Final Goodbye

I wrote in my poem Creases that I keep some of my old poems in a drawer next to my bed. Here is one of them, written (I believe) around twelve years ago. It has only been lightly edited for posting, including giving it a new title. It was written very much as a song, so I have left the chorus in italics.

Update June 2018: I have finally written music for it. You can see/listen here if you are interested. I would advise viewing it on a powerful device and listening on headphones for best quality.

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Final Goodbye

(originally titled You Know How To Kill Me Slowly)

The thought of it makes me sick

Bitter taste on my tongue

My chest is tight, the air is thick

Heavy and crushing my lungs

Anger, hate, what love remains

Building up deep within

This sickness is one of pain

A sickness of suffering

 

All I’ve done, all I’ve tried

It has got me nowhere

All I’ve felt, all I’ve cried

You just don’t fucking care

 

Were we ever really friends

Or was it all a lie

Did it just come to an end

Is this our last goodbye

Were you playing stupid games

Were you having a joke

Is your humour just that lame

Was your love all a hoax

 

All I’ve done, all I’ve tried

It has got me nowhere

All I’ve felt, all I’ve cried

You just don’t fucking care

 

To know that I don’t have you

That would help my mind heal

But to not know that I have you

My heart could never feel

I need to be sure of this

What I have, what I have not

So please grant me just one wish

Tell me is this it, or not

If it’s over, end it now

I give you one last shot

 

All I’ve done, all I’ve tried

It has got me nowhere

All I’ve felt, all I’ve cried

You just don’t fucking care

 

I hope you can see why

I look you in the eye

Listen to me as I

Scream our final goodbye

 

Now I’m gone, you took too long

You got left way behind

Only you know what went wrong

But you wasted too much time

With each time you plagued my thoughts

And every time you lied

And each time you played my heart

Inside my chest, I died

You were my suicide

 

All I’ve done, all I’ve tried

It has got me nowhere

All I’ve felt, all I’ve cried

You just don’t fucking care

 

All you and I have been through

The smiles and the tears were fake

Things we shared were all untrue

We both made a mistake

None of this is positive

It fills me with regret

What was done I can’t forgive

All this I must forget

 

All I’ve done, all I’ve tried

It has got me nowhere

All I’ve felt, all I’ve cried

You just don’t fucking care

 

I hope you can see why

I look you in the eye

Listen to me as I

Scream our final goodbye

Watch me fall down and cry

“I love you, and goodbye”